Sue Scheff: Helping Teens Avoid Bad Decisions and Risky Situations

Good Kids, Bad Choices

All kids make mistakes … but some bad choices can lead to terrible outcomes. As parents, we need to do everything in our power to help our children learn to make smart decisions. How do you help your kids learn about the consequences of a split-second decision? How do you help them avoid dangerous and risky situations?

Learn what leads kids to make bad decisions… and how parents can help with Good Kids, Bad Choices.

What is your greatest fear for your child? Car accident? Drug or alcohol addiction? Sexually transmitted disease? Unplanned pregnancy? Physical disability? Death? When it comes to learning how to avoid bad decisions, children need the guidance and insights that only parents can provide.

So how do parents learn what situations kids get themselves into? Why they make bad choices?
Order Good Kids, Bad Choices and find out.

You’ll see real teenagers talk about the split-second decisions they made … the terrible outcomes … and what they wish they had done instead. You’ll learn tips from experts and parenting advice about the steps you can take to help your child learn to make better decisions. And you’ll hear the inspiration from families who can help your family – before it’s too late.

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As a parent advocate (Sue Scheff) keeping parents informed about today’s teens and the issues they face today is imperative for parents, teachers and others to continue to learn about.

Connect with Kids, like Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, brings awareness to parents and other raising with and working with today’s kids.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Sue Scheff: No Laughing Matter (Phobias and Anxieties with kids) by Connect with Kids

“They shouldn’t force the child to [meet] the clown. You introduce it to them in a way that’s slow and cautious and they see that nothing bad happens.”

– Mary Danielek, Ph.D., licensed psychologist

Just like adults, kids experience a variety of phobias. But there is one particular fear that many parents may have never heard of. It’s called coulrophobia, and, for lots of kids, it’s no laughing matter.

“What’s up, big guy? How you doin’ today?” asks a clown.

For the moment, not so well. Grayson, who is 3 years old, shakes his head “no” at the clown and looks scared.

Grayson has “coulrophobia” -- a fear of clowns.

“I’m just scared of them because they have make-up on them,” says Grayson.

“And I said, ‘Well, I wear make up, what’s so scary?’ He said, ‘Well ‘cause their make-up’s very colorful.’
I don’t know…I guess, somehow they’re different and they’re not in his everyday life experience,” says Laura Nix, Grayson’s mother.

The University of Sheffield in England surveyed 250 children, and none -- not a single child -- liked clowns. Experts say some kids may be afraid because of something that happened years before.

“Specific phobias that happen like that usually occur after one traumatic event. You can see the little girl next to you at the circus freak-out because of the clown. There’s one event, and after that the child says, ‘I’m afraid of clowns,’” says Mary Danielek, Ph.D., licensed psychologist.

She says parents shouldn’t dismiss that fear. Some children are really afraid.

“They shouldn’t force the child to [meet] the clown. You introduce it to them in a way that’s slow and cautious and they see that nothing bad happens,” says Danielek.

“I know, too, that when he’s afraid of something, if you can kind of introduce him to it in a non-threatening way, that helps,” says Nix.

Patience and understanding can help as well. Psychologists say that in most cases, coulrophobia goes away as toddlers refine their language skills and understand that clowns are harmless. However, in some cases, the phobia can last into adulthood.

Tips for Parents

Anxiety is defined as "apprehension without apparent cause." It usually occurs when there's no immediate threat to a person's safety or well-being, but the threat feels real. Anxiety makes a person want to escape the situation -- fast. (Nemours Foundation)

The heart beats quickly, the body might begin to perspire and "butterflies" in the stomach soon follow. However, a little bit of anxiety can actually help people stay alert and focused. (Nemours Foundation)

Typical childhood fears change with age. They include fear of strangers, heights, darkness, animals, blood, insects, and being left alone. Children often learn to fear a specific object or situation after having an unpleasant experience, such as a dog bite or an accident. (Nemours Foundation)

Recognize that the fear is real. As trivial as a fear may seem, it feels real to your child and it's causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. Being able to talk about fears helps -- words often take some of the power out of the negative feeling. If you talk about it, it can become less powerful. (Nemours Foundation)


Never belittle the fear as a way of forcing your child to overcome it. Telling your child, "Don't be ridiculous! There are no monsters in your closet!" may get your child to go to bed, but it won't make the fear go away. (Nemours Foundation)


Don't cater to fears, either. If your child doesn't like dogs, don't cross the street deliberately to avoid one. This will just reinforce that dogs should be feared and avoided. Provide support and gentle care as you approach the feared object or situation with your child. (Nemours Foundation)

References
Nemours Foundation

Loving your kids is easy; Parenting teenagers is hard.

Parents today face very real and sometimes frightening concerns about their children’s lives. As they get older, your kids have their own interests, problems, even their own language. So what's the key to parenting?

You could buy a book…but your child probably won’t read it. You could search the Internet for advice, and ask other parents. Those are good options, but there's one that's even better for parenting teenagers: reality-based DVDs for kids and parents to watch and learn together. Parents don’t typically think of buying a DVD to help them with the issues their children or a problem teenager faces, but this is powerful positive television programming produced by the Emmy® award-winning Connect With Kids team.

Build Your Own Library

We have a complete library of half-hour programs devoted to parenting teenagers and kids, all related to social, emotional and physical health. These aren’t lectures or scare tactics strictly about how to deal with a problem teenager; they’re true stories of real kids facing issues like drugs, drinking, STDs, obesity, racism, peer pressure, body image, bullying, and more.

These powerful stories are unscripted, unrehearsed and told in kids’ own words, so your children will easily relate to them without feeling defensive, embarrassed, pressured or talked down to. The kids' stories are supported with interviews and advice from leading child specialists, health experts, educators and counselors.

Watching together is a great way to start talking with your kids. Each 30-minute video is only $19.95, and comes with a Viewing Guide with facts, suggested conversation starters and professional advice. To order, visit our products page.

As a Parent Advocate, Connect with Kids offers a great number of informational articles, DVD's, video's and more to help parents understand today's kids.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

"Wit's End" by Sue Scheff

"Wit's End" is now available for pre-order from a number of online retailers!

Where to Order:
Sue Scheff's "Wit's End on Amazon
Sue Scheff's "Wit's End on Buy.Com
Sue Scheff's "Wit's End on eRuditor

Sue Scheff Launches New Websites to Help Parents with At Risk Teens

As I continue to keep parents up to date with today's teen - I have recently launched the following websites:

Teen Suicide
Teen Mischief
Teen Cults
Teen Drug Addiction
Identity Crisis - Adopted Teens



Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?


Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Parent's Universal Resource Experts and Sue Scheff: Coping with an 18 Year Old

“My 18 year old is out of control and I am at my wits end! What can I do?” – Anonymous Parent.

18 – 19 year old teens can be the most difficult to address simply because they are considered adults and cannot be forced to get help. As parents, we have limited to no control. Practicing “Tough Love” is easier said than done, many parents cannot let their child reach rock bottom – as parent’s, we see our child suffering – whether it is needing groceries or a roof over their head and it is hard to shut the door on them.

I think this is one of the most important reasons that if you are a parent of a 16-17 year old that is out of control, struggling, defiant, using drugs and alcohol, or other negative behavior – I believe it is time to look for intervention NOW. I am not saying it needs to be a residential treatment center or a program out of the home, but at least start with local resources such as therapists that specialize with adolescents and preferable offer support groups.

It is unfortunate that in most cases the local therapy is very limited how it can help your teen. The one hour once a week or even twice, is usually not enough to make permanent changes. Furthermore getting your defiant teen to attend sessions can sometimes cause more friction and frustrations than is already happening.

This is the time to consider outside help such as a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center. However these parents with the 18-19 year olds have usually missed their opportunity. They were hoping and praying that at 16 – 17 things would change, but unfortunately, if not address, the negative behavior usually escalates.

In the past 7+ years I have heard from thousands of parents – and most are hoping to get their child through High School and will be satisfied with a GED. It is truly a sad society of today’s teens when many believe they can simply drop out of school. Starting as early as 14 years old, many teens are thinking this way and we need to be sure they know the consequences of not getting an education. Education in today’s world should be our children’s priority however with today’s peer pressure and entitlement issues, it seems to have drifted from education to defiance – being happy just having fun and not being responsible.

I think there are many parents that debate whether they should take that desperate measure of sending a child to a program and having them escorted there – but in the long run – you need to look at these parents that have 18-19 year olds that don’t have that opportunity. While you have this option, and it is a major decision that needs to be handled with the utmost reality of what will happen if things don’t change. The closer they are to 18 – the more serious issues can become legally. If a 17+ year old gets in trouble with the law, in many states they will be tried as an adult. This can be scary since most of these kids are good kids making very bad choices and don’t deserve to get caught up the system. As a parent I believe it is our responsible not to be selfish and be open to sending the outside of the home. It is important not to view this as a failure as a parent, but as a responsible parent that is willing to sacrifice your personal feelings to get your child the help they need.

At 18, it is unfortunate, these kids are considered adults - and as parents we basically lose control to get them the help they need. In most cases, which may be with your niece - if they know they have no other alternatives and this is the only option the parents will support, they will attend.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Tough Love new Website www.ToughLove.com

The goal and objective of the TOUGHLOVE Program is to have a cooperative family in a supportive community.

TOUGHLOVE is a behavior modification program for parents. It teaches parents how to change their behaviors in order to effect positive change in their kids. With the TOUGHLOVE program you begin to make changes at your very first meeting.

The Three Phases of the TOUGHLOVE® Program

1st Phase: Awareness. Become aware of the negative influences that adversely effect families and the destruction that ensues.

2nd Phase: Taking Action. Parents understand and accept the fact that the most effective way to help their family is by changing their own behavior immediately. Parents allow other responsible adults to enter their life and accept the support needed to assist change and follow through with their goals.

3rd Phase: Continued Growth. As parents gain a better understanding of the program, they are able to give support to others and thereby develop a better understanding of their own emotional triggers and behaviors.


Parental Authority and Responsibility

Families cannot be democracies. A democratic family is more prone to chaos and crisis. A parent is not elected to the position of authority and there is no room for competition or election promises. A parent is given full authority upon the birth of their child

Parents need to be the clear authority figures in a family and bear the weight of responsibilities. It is important for parents to approach their authority and responsibility as that of a “Benevolent Dictator,” providing rules based on love and reasonable expectations and strictly enforcing them.


The New TOUGHLOVE® Program

Today’s parents are facing great challenges. Today’s problems and consequences are much more severe than those of previous generations. At TOUGHLOVE, we continuously learn from our peers and constantly innovate. We’ve created a new, updated and expanded program. The new TOUGHLOVE Program combines the elements of crisis prevention with crisis intervention.

Through the sharing of backgrounds and support, parents will develop an awareness of the tell-tale signs of potential problems early on. With a society constantly bombarding our children with negative messages, a parent can never have enough support. The more people involved, the better off the community will be.

We know that Parents need access to good information, active support and an awareness of the happenings in their own community. TOUGHLOVE® Meetings are comprised of dedicated people who are eager to share their knowledge, experiences and the skills they have developed to help promote enhanced family cooperation throughout their community.

Here’s what TOUGHLOVE is all about:

T Taking a Stand with a can-do attitude
O Owning accountability and responsibility for the decisions we make
U Understanding the problems
G Getting support to achieve our commitments and goals
H Helping others in a professional and standardized fashion
L Listening with respect for diversity and thus learning new behaviors
O Organizing support for the community
V Very strong feelings that we learn to manage
E Every week a new Bottom Line to achieve our Stand

Parent's Universal Resource Experts: Tough Love

Many parents call us asking for a local Tough Love Support Group. It seems there are less and less of them available.

If you are interested in finding one near you, visit - www.toughlove.com and email them for information.

Sue Scheff: Tough Love

I have created a Blog of recent articles to help parents with today's teens. These news and magazine articles are focused on today's issues including tough love and more.

Click here.

Sue Scheff and P.U.R.E. talk about Tough Love

Tough Love has long been an organization that has helped many families through difficult times. Although there are mixed reviews on their methods, it depends on the family and if they are able to follow through.