As I continue to keep parents up to date with today's teen - I have recently launched the following websites:
Teen Suicide
Teen Mischief
Teen Cults
Teen Drug Addiction
Identity Crisis - Adopted Teens
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts and Sue Scheff: Coping with an 18 Year Old
“My 18 year old is out of control and I am at my wits end! What can I do?” – Anonymous Parent.
18 – 19 year old teens can be the most difficult to address simply because they are considered adults and cannot be forced to get help. As parents, we have limited to no control. Practicing “Tough Love” is easier said than done, many parents cannot let their child reach rock bottom – as parent’s, we see our child suffering – whether it is needing groceries or a roof over their head and it is hard to shut the door on them.
I think this is one of the most important reasons that if you are a parent of a 16-17 year old that is out of control, struggling, defiant, using drugs and alcohol, or other negative behavior – I believe it is time to look for intervention NOW. I am not saying it needs to be a residential treatment center or a program out of the home, but at least start with local resources such as therapists that specialize with adolescents and preferable offer support groups.
It is unfortunate that in most cases the local therapy is very limited how it can help your teen. The one hour once a week or even twice, is usually not enough to make permanent changes. Furthermore getting your defiant teen to attend sessions can sometimes cause more friction and frustrations than is already happening.
This is the time to consider outside help such as a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center. However these parents with the 18-19 year olds have usually missed their opportunity. They were hoping and praying that at 16 – 17 things would change, but unfortunately, if not address, the negative behavior usually escalates.
In the past 7+ years I have heard from thousands of parents – and most are hoping to get their child through High School and will be satisfied with a GED. It is truly a sad society of today’s teens when many believe they can simply drop out of school. Starting as early as 14 years old, many teens are thinking this way and we need to be sure they know the consequences of not getting an education. Education in today’s world should be our children’s priority however with today’s peer pressure and entitlement issues, it seems to have drifted from education to defiance – being happy just having fun and not being responsible.
I think there are many parents that debate whether they should take that desperate measure of sending a child to a program and having them escorted there – but in the long run – you need to look at these parents that have 18-19 year olds that don’t have that opportunity. While you have this option, and it is a major decision that needs to be handled with the utmost reality of what will happen if things don’t change. The closer they are to 18 – the more serious issues can become legally. If a 17+ year old gets in trouble with the law, in many states they will be tried as an adult. This can be scary since most of these kids are good kids making very bad choices and don’t deserve to get caught up the system. As a parent I believe it is our responsible not to be selfish and be open to sending the outside of the home. It is important not to view this as a failure as a parent, but as a responsible parent that is willing to sacrifice your personal feelings to get your child the help they need.
At 18, it is unfortunate, these kids are considered adults - and as parents we basically lose control to get them the help they need. In most cases, which may be with your niece - if they know they have no other alternatives and this is the only option the parents will support, they will attend.
18 – 19 year old teens can be the most difficult to address simply because they are considered adults and cannot be forced to get help. As parents, we have limited to no control. Practicing “Tough Love” is easier said than done, many parents cannot let their child reach rock bottom – as parent’s, we see our child suffering – whether it is needing groceries or a roof over their head and it is hard to shut the door on them.
I think this is one of the most important reasons that if you are a parent of a 16-17 year old that is out of control, struggling, defiant, using drugs and alcohol, or other negative behavior – I believe it is time to look for intervention NOW. I am not saying it needs to be a residential treatment center or a program out of the home, but at least start with local resources such as therapists that specialize with adolescents and preferable offer support groups.
It is unfortunate that in most cases the local therapy is very limited how it can help your teen. The one hour once a week or even twice, is usually not enough to make permanent changes. Furthermore getting your defiant teen to attend sessions can sometimes cause more friction and frustrations than is already happening.
This is the time to consider outside help such as a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center. However these parents with the 18-19 year olds have usually missed their opportunity. They were hoping and praying that at 16 – 17 things would change, but unfortunately, if not address, the negative behavior usually escalates.
In the past 7+ years I have heard from thousands of parents – and most are hoping to get their child through High School and will be satisfied with a GED. It is truly a sad society of today’s teens when many believe they can simply drop out of school. Starting as early as 14 years old, many teens are thinking this way and we need to be sure they know the consequences of not getting an education. Education in today’s world should be our children’s priority however with today’s peer pressure and entitlement issues, it seems to have drifted from education to defiance – being happy just having fun and not being responsible.
I think there are many parents that debate whether they should take that desperate measure of sending a child to a program and having them escorted there – but in the long run – you need to look at these parents that have 18-19 year olds that don’t have that opportunity. While you have this option, and it is a major decision that needs to be handled with the utmost reality of what will happen if things don’t change. The closer they are to 18 – the more serious issues can become legally. If a 17+ year old gets in trouble with the law, in many states they will be tried as an adult. This can be scary since most of these kids are good kids making very bad choices and don’t deserve to get caught up the system. As a parent I believe it is our responsible not to be selfish and be open to sending the outside of the home. It is important not to view this as a failure as a parent, but as a responsible parent that is willing to sacrifice your personal feelings to get your child the help they need.
At 18, it is unfortunate, these kids are considered adults - and as parents we basically lose control to get them the help they need. In most cases, which may be with your niece - if they know they have no other alternatives and this is the only option the parents will support, they will attend.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Tough Love new Website www.ToughLove.com
The goal and objective of the TOUGHLOVE Program is to have a cooperative family in a supportive community.
TOUGHLOVE is a behavior modification program for parents. It teaches parents how to change their behaviors in order to effect positive change in their kids. With the TOUGHLOVE program you begin to make changes at your very first meeting.
The Three Phases of the TOUGHLOVE® Program
1st Phase: Awareness. Become aware of the negative influences that adversely effect families and the destruction that ensues.
2nd Phase: Taking Action. Parents understand and accept the fact that the most effective way to help their family is by changing their own behavior immediately. Parents allow other responsible adults to enter their life and accept the support needed to assist change and follow through with their goals.
3rd Phase: Continued Growth. As parents gain a better understanding of the program, they are able to give support to others and thereby develop a better understanding of their own emotional triggers and behaviors.
Parental Authority and Responsibility
Families cannot be democracies. A democratic family is more prone to chaos and crisis. A parent is not elected to the position of authority and there is no room for competition or election promises. A parent is given full authority upon the birth of their child
Parents need to be the clear authority figures in a family and bear the weight of responsibilities. It is important for parents to approach their authority and responsibility as that of a “Benevolent Dictator,” providing rules based on love and reasonable expectations and strictly enforcing them.
The New TOUGHLOVE® Program
Today’s parents are facing great challenges. Today’s problems and consequences are much more severe than those of previous generations. At TOUGHLOVE, we continuously learn from our peers and constantly innovate. We’ve created a new, updated and expanded program. The new TOUGHLOVE Program combines the elements of crisis prevention with crisis intervention.
Through the sharing of backgrounds and support, parents will develop an awareness of the tell-tale signs of potential problems early on. With a society constantly bombarding our children with negative messages, a parent can never have enough support. The more people involved, the better off the community will be.
We know that Parents need access to good information, active support and an awareness of the happenings in their own community. TOUGHLOVE® Meetings are comprised of dedicated people who are eager to share their knowledge, experiences and the skills they have developed to help promote enhanced family cooperation throughout their community.
Here’s what TOUGHLOVE is all about:
T Taking a Stand with a can-do attitude
O Owning accountability and responsibility for the decisions we make
U Understanding the problems
G Getting support to achieve our commitments and goals
H Helping others in a professional and standardized fashion
L Listening with respect for diversity and thus learning new behaviors
O Organizing support for the community
V Very strong feelings that we learn to manage
E Every week a new Bottom Line to achieve our Stand
TOUGHLOVE is a behavior modification program for parents. It teaches parents how to change their behaviors in order to effect positive change in their kids. With the TOUGHLOVE program you begin to make changes at your very first meeting.
The Three Phases of the TOUGHLOVE® Program
1st Phase: Awareness. Become aware of the negative influences that adversely effect families and the destruction that ensues.
2nd Phase: Taking Action. Parents understand and accept the fact that the most effective way to help their family is by changing their own behavior immediately. Parents allow other responsible adults to enter their life and accept the support needed to assist change and follow through with their goals.
3rd Phase: Continued Growth. As parents gain a better understanding of the program, they are able to give support to others and thereby develop a better understanding of their own emotional triggers and behaviors.
Parental Authority and Responsibility
Families cannot be democracies. A democratic family is more prone to chaos and crisis. A parent is not elected to the position of authority and there is no room for competition or election promises. A parent is given full authority upon the birth of their child
Parents need to be the clear authority figures in a family and bear the weight of responsibilities. It is important for parents to approach their authority and responsibility as that of a “Benevolent Dictator,” providing rules based on love and reasonable expectations and strictly enforcing them.
The New TOUGHLOVE® Program
Today’s parents are facing great challenges. Today’s problems and consequences are much more severe than those of previous generations. At TOUGHLOVE, we continuously learn from our peers and constantly innovate. We’ve created a new, updated and expanded program. The new TOUGHLOVE Program combines the elements of crisis prevention with crisis intervention.
Through the sharing of backgrounds and support, parents will develop an awareness of the tell-tale signs of potential problems early on. With a society constantly bombarding our children with negative messages, a parent can never have enough support. The more people involved, the better off the community will be.
We know that Parents need access to good information, active support and an awareness of the happenings in their own community. TOUGHLOVE® Meetings are comprised of dedicated people who are eager to share their knowledge, experiences and the skills they have developed to help promote enhanced family cooperation throughout their community.
Here’s what TOUGHLOVE is all about:
T Taking a Stand with a can-do attitude
O Owning accountability and responsibility for the decisions we make
U Understanding the problems
G Getting support to achieve our commitments and goals
H Helping others in a professional and standardized fashion
L Listening with respect for diversity and thus learning new behaviors
O Organizing support for the community
V Very strong feelings that we learn to manage
E Every week a new Bottom Line to achieve our Stand
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts: Tough Love
Many parents call us asking for a local Tough Love Support Group. It seems there are less and less of them available.
If you are interested in finding one near you, visit - www.toughlove.com and email them for information.
If you are interested in finding one near you, visit - www.toughlove.com and email them for information.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sue Scheff: Tough Love
I have created a Blog of recent articles to help parents with today's teens. These news and magazine articles are focused on today's issues including tough love and more.
Click here.
Click here.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Sue Scheff and P.U.R.E. talk about Tough Love
Tough Love has long been an organization that has helped many families through difficult times. Although there are mixed reviews on their methods, it depends on the family and if they are able to follow through.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Tough Love Support Groups
Are you interested in Tough Love support groups? Visit http://www.toughlove.com/ and click into your state for the nearest chapter.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Sue Scheff on Tough Love
Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, Tough Love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit.
Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough Love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.
There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough!
This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention. This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.
Many times Tough Love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.
If you see that Tough Love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally.
Tough Love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child.
While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems.
With time and distance, the healing starts to occur. Tough Love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough Love if used correctly can be helpful.
However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing. Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.
My book will have more on this subject.
Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough Love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.
There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough!
This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention. This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.
Many times Tough Love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.
If you see that Tough Love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally.
Tough Love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child.
While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems.
With time and distance, the healing starts to occur. Tough Love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough Love if used correctly can be helpful.
However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing. Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.
My book will have more on this subject.
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